Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you did something slightly different? How your life would turn out if you took a step in the opposite direction? or if you chose a different career path? or moved to a different city? or stayed in the same city? To me, the butterfly effect is such a mysterious and fascinating thing – one small change in your past could have a ripple effect that completely alters the course of your life.
I have often wondered if I had chosen a different preference for university where that would lead me – would I still be going back to university? or would I stick to it? What about if I didn’t go travelling to Europe the first time? Would that mean I would’ve enjoyed it more than what I experienced when I went back last year? Would I still kept in touch with my friends had we gone to the same university together? These question are always unanswered – I always draw up with a blank. It isn’t often that I regret the choices I make but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could have done things a little bit differently.
They say reminiscing about the past prevents you from moving forward into the future but sometimes you just can’t help it. I often wonder about these “what ifs”. Life is filled with so many uncertainties and questions – you cannot help it sometimes, but to think of all the steps that lead you exactly to this point in time, right this instant. Did you make the right choice? Are you making the right decisions? Is your life exactly how you imagined it to be? I am plagued by these questions frequently – like the giant pink elephant in the room, it is like a hazy fog lurking around in the back of my mind, and no matter how much I try to reach out of it to clear the air, I can never seem to accomplish the task.
Is it a mid life crisis? I’m not sure… not sure if 26 is classified as “mid-life” but I certainly have done a lot of reflecting over these last couple of years. Maybe I am just getting old. Maybe…oh nostalgia is such a dangerous thing. It can consume you if you are careful!